Into The Light...Richard Rhodes Mentz (1940 - 1996)

No Day But Today...

2006-02-17T19:41:00.000-08:00

If I've learned anything in this life, it is that there is "No Day But Today," which is from the musical RENT by the late Jonathan Larson, who died at the age of 35 three weeks before my father. 1996 was a very bad year. A year of death. A year of endless tears. A year without laughter, without light.

By the end of 1996, right after my friend Danny's funeral in mid-December, I had been to the funerals of 10 close friends and family members -- all of them young with so much more life in them. Ten deaths in one year was more than I could bear. It left me on very unstable ground. I wasn't sure that life was safe. I was certain that death loomed around every corner. But as the years passed, even with a few more devastating deaths and funerals, I learned to live again. And I started celebrating life again and stopped being afraid.

Now, I fully grasp and I truly understand how sacred life is, how precious it is, and how it can end in an instant. So I always remember to live life like there is No Day But Today!

A few months ago, I wanted to plan something special for the 10 year anniversary of my father's death. But the days turned into weeks, then months, then Christmas came, then New Year's Day and before I knew it, Valentine's Day was here and it was too late to plan a trip to San Jose to celebrate my dad.

However, earlier this week, I got the idea to create this one-time use site as a small way to remember a life lived. To remember all the people who knew and loved my dad. And to remember the great times I spent with my dad.

But first, I have to share how the idea of posting this site came to me.

Last week, I was at the DEMO conference, the premier launchpad for new technology, and at the very end of the conference as I was about to leave when I met an amazing woman by the name of Sachi Gahan. I was actually just saying goodbye to my client when he introduced me to Sachi, we exchanged a few words and business cards. And I added her card to the stack of other business cards that I had gathered at the conference, and I headed home.

Then on Monday night, I decided to check out Sachi's blog expecting to read some interesting and amusing thoughts, ideas and opinions, but what I saw first was the title of her Monday post, which read "Worst Day of My Life" and then I read the devasting and tragic news.

Her husband was killed in a motorcycle accident on Sunday, February 12, 2006. I had just met Sachi days before, and I don't even know her, but I know her pain and loss. And my heart just aches for her.

But then I read all the comments left by others, and it was so touching and moving, and that's when I decided to write this one-time blog in honor and in memory of my father, who died at the age of 55. He was born at 11:20 a.m. on November 10, 1940 in Oak Park, Illinois, and died sometime between 6:00 and 8:30 p.m. on Saturday, February 17, 1996 in Santa Clara, CA.

The below posts are snippets of thoughts, remembrances and other musings, and I hope you take a minute or two to read this "blog" and just remember my dad. Remember his good heart, good humor, friendly smile, and how he would give you the shirt of his back if you needed it. It's just too bad that he gave, and gave, and gave, and forgot to keep a little for himself. If he just kept a little for himself, I think he'd still be with us today.

Thanks for caring enough to stop by. And if you feel compelled to post a comment, I would certainly welcome it. And if you're reading this and didn't know my dad, I hope you get a sense of who he was, and then the next time you see your dad, give him a big hug and tell him you love him. Cherish every moment, because you never know when it's the last.

NOTE: For those of you who do not know how my dad died, he committed suicide. For more information on suicide visit: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Morgan's artwork (age 8)

2006-02-17T19:30:00.000-08:00

This is a picture that Morgan drew, while my brother Rik and I were working on the program for our dad's funeral. When I think about it, I remember it like it was yesterday and not 10 years ago.

Preparing for a funeral is so strange. It keeps you very focused and busy for a couple of days, which is a great distraction from your shock, pain and sorrow. But what's even more strange, is the day after the funeral. That cold, dark, empty stillness is almost indescribable.

It's the day after the funeral, when it really hits home that the person you lost is truly gone and never coming back. Never going to call you again, never going to laugh with you again, never going to walk through that door as they had so many times before. There's this finality that's so difficult to live with. It takes a long time before you get used to living with the finality of it all.

Time doesn't lessen your loss or pain, but time does allow you to laugh again, feel again, and be hopeful again. Time truly is the only cure to mend your broken heart.

Kimi's Art Work (age 12)

2006-02-17T19:18:00.000-08:00

This was a drawing that Kimi did for the program that we gave out at my dad's funeral. Despite all of us still being in shock, and slowly transitioning from shock to pain and sorrow, having the kids draw pictures helped keep them busy and focused on how much they loved him, and not on death, which was so difficult for them to understand at that age. Heck, it was difficult for us as adults. But together, we supported each other, cried on each other's shoulders, and pulled together to get through our loss.

It's funny, despite all the dysfunction, disagreements, or any other ugly stuff that we all have from time to time in our families, when tragedy strikes, it really makes you realize how important family is, and how all the petty bickering doesn't matter.

Both Morgan and Kimi are all grown up now. But it's sad that their grandpa missed out on sharing in the moments of their teen years, and their future. It makes me sad, not only for me, but for them too.

But together as a family, we have picked ourselves up, and forged ahead. Because we still have each other, and that's a beautiful thing!!

A card from Dad...front cover of card...

2006-02-17T19:11:00.000-08:00

My dad sent me this card when Morgan and I were living in LA. I was still pursuing my dance career and struggling with the idea of quitting dance and going back to school so I could find a new career, which I eventually did.

So my dad was just sending me a greeting to say hi, even though he felt that I should retire my barely-off-the-ground dance career, and get a "real job" of course getting a "real job" wasn't too enticing. Who wants reality when you can live on the stage...hehe!

I sure do miss life on the stage! But I did the right thing and retired my dance career. It sure was difficult hanging up those dance shoes, which now collect dust!

In the end he was correct in his opinion, and I did follow suit, went back to college, and graduated from SJSU.

See dad, in the end, I did the right thing ;-)

Inside of card...

2006-02-17T19:09:00.000-08:00

Card greeting reads: "It's okay to cry because you're going to miss somebody...Those are good tears, and they show you care. And maybe, later on, you can remember the good times, and you'll smile a little smile just for them...

Dad writes, "To Miiko & Morgan, Just thought I'd drop a line to let you know we're all thinking about you and still love you both. I guess by now you and Morgan have settled into a "routine" so things kinda go ok. Does Morgan go to class with you in the evening? Kinda like you and your mom at the Romanoff's studio. I remember the time I saw you, you were supposed to be taking a bath, but you were holding the bar for the wash cloth on the soap dish above the tub, and were practicing what you'd seen your mom do at the studio. You were about Morgan's age then. How's Morgan like her daycare place?

Not much happening here. Bev had a "Brunch" last Sunday, just Dawn, Eddie, Scott, Jan & Art, the Matsumotos, and Rik & Kimi. Lisa wasn't feeling good, as I guess she didn't come. Scott is movin' in with us Sunday. He wants to save up a down payment for a townhouse, so Bev is gonna give him "cheap rent" so he can save up. I've gotta get Rik's Monte Carlo outta the garage, so either Scott can put his Camero in there or Bev can put her new car "with a back seat" in there. She bought Eddie's Olds...

Back of card...

2006-02-17T18:55:00.000-08:00

Dad continues: ...the black one, course we haven't paid him for it yet. She doesn't really want to sell the CRX, so I guess she'll end up with two cars. Enough about that.

I hope your gettin' by ok. Ya know kid, just because I disagree with what you do or the way you do it, doesn't mean I don't love you any less. In fact, it could be that's why I disagree. It is because I love you and Morgan. OK. No lecture.

Just thought I'd let you know you're still my "Little Girl" and I love you both.

- Pop

2006-02-17T18:40:00.000-08:00

Ah..such a sweet little guy...dad in the 1940s

2006-02-17T18:37:00.000-08:00

Dad's high school days...so clean cut!

2006-02-17T18:36:00.000-08:00

Dad and Miiko at Dawn's Wedding...Miiko, you're looking very 1980s...pastels and big hair...Yikes! Very Scary!

2006-02-17T18:28:00.001-08:00

Christmas at Auntie Barbara's house.

2006-02-17T18:28:00.000-08:00

Love that pink bow tie...Miiko, didn't you wear that dress to Mike and June's wedding too...haha

2006-02-17T18:27:00.000-08:00

Morgan and Grandpa - December 1987

2006-02-17T18:13:00.000-08:00

Miiko and her dad...boy, what chubby cheeks she has..."Chubby Cheek Miiko"

Kind Words from 10 Years Ago Still Comfort Today

2006-02-17T01:22:00.000-08:00

Call me morbid, but I have a "memory box" that is filled with various items and sympathy cards. It's an artistic box, made of wood, tile and metal wire, which was made by the ever so talented and creative Peter James Cortopassi, who I loved deeply.

Peter died exactly three weeks after my dad died, it was devastating. I didn't intend for Peter's creation to become a "memory box" but it has. And tonight, I pulled it out and was sifting through some of the sympathy cards, reading the comforting and kind words.

And I just want to share a few with you in rememberance of my dad.

I want to thank you all of you who did send me cards. I can't tell you how much they meant to me then and still do today. Your comforting and kind words got me through some pretty dark nights. So thank you everyone. And I hope you don't mind me sharing them today. I can't share all of them, but here's just a few...

Our deepest sympathy to you all. We were
shocked to hear of your dad passing away when
we got home from Los Angeles on Saturday.
Mike O. had left a message on our answering machine,
so I called him as soon as we got home and he
informed us of what had happened.

I've known Dick since before he married your mother
when he first moved to San Jose. He worked at our
shop before he went into drafting. He was always a
hard worker, and a nice guy that's always willing to
help others with that ever familiar smile on his face.

We'll all miss him very much.

-- With Deep Regret, Richard
------------------------------------------------

It's difficult at such a time
to find the words that say
the things that one
can only hope
will comfort you today.

But may it help a bit to know
that there are near at hand
those who keep you
close in thought,
those who understand.

With deepest sympathy. If you ever
need anything or just want to talk,
please call.
-- Love, Mike O.
------------------------------------------------

I think of Heaven
as a garden where
I shall find again
those dear ones
who have made
my world.

It is with such intense sorrow
that I write this. There are no
words to describe how awful I
feel over your loss.

-- I love you forever, Trina
------------------------------------------------

If only it was possible
for words to fully say
the caring thoughts
and sympathy
this brings to you today.

Our thoughts our with you at this time.
We are so very sorry to hear about your loss.
I went through this same ordeal many years ago,
and I know the void it puts in your life.
Unfortunately, only time and memories
will eventually help to ease your loss.
May God help lessen your burden.

-- Love, auntie Barbara and Grant (my cousin)
------------------------------------------------

Love lives on forever
in each memory and thought
Of the special ones
who meant so much
and the happiness they brought.

Love lives on forever
it will never fade away
For, in our hearts,
our loved ones
are with us every day.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
We are so sorry for your loss.

-- Sincerely, The Cole Family

Music Moves the Soul

2006-02-17T00:14:00.000-08:00

The following lyrics are words of love and remembrance. We played this song at my dad's funeral. I don't know the name of it or even who performed it. It's from the 1990 film Longtime Companion and it goes like this...

When I cleaned out your room I painted.
The walls were covered with memories,
but still it seemed like you were hoverin' over,
still out there keeping an eye on me.

We'll go down to the post mortem bar
and catch up on the years that have passed
between us and we'll tell our stories.
Do you remember when the world was
just like a carnival openin' up.

If I could have one more day with you
the way it used to be
all the things I should have said
would pour out of me.

We'll go down to the post mortem bar
and catch up on the years that have passed
between us and we'll tell our stories.
Do you remember when the world was
just like a carnival openin' up.

I took a walk. I didn't know which way I was going,
but some how or another I ended up here
where we said we'd meet again and I guess I was hopin'...
But the place had been closed down awhile
it was all dark in there.

We'll go down to the post mortem bar
and catch up on the years that have passed
between us and we'll tell our stories.
Do you remember when the world was
just like a carnival openin' up.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

And these lyrics were given to me some years back by my dearest, most cherished and "bestest" friend in the world, Trina, when I needed her shoulder to cry on. Thank you Trina...and these beautiful lyrics by Bob Dylan are timeless.

I'll Remember You
By Bob Dylan

I'll remember you
When I've forgotten all the rest,
You to me were true,
You cut to the core
Quicker than anyone I knew.
When I'm all alone
In the great unknown,
I'll remember you.

I'll remember you.
At the end of the trail,
I had so much left to do,
I had so little time to fail.
There some people that
You don't forget,
Even though you've only seen'm
One time or two.
When the roses fade
And I'm in the shade,
I'll remember you.

Didn't I, didn't I try to love you?
Didn't I, didn't I try to care?
Didn't I sleep, didn't I weep beside you
With the rain blowing in your hair?

I'll remember you.
When the wind blows through the piney wood.
It was you who came right through,
It was you who understood.
Though I'd never say
That I done it the way
That you'd have liked me to.
In the end,
My dear sweet friend,
I'll remember you.